and now for a commercial break...

[scene: Legolas is talking to Merry & Pippin before leaving Lorien]

Merry & Pip watch Legolas and mutter various approvals

Legolas : Oh! [notices camera and looks right at it] Hi, I'm Legolas Greenleaf. You might remember me from such films as the "Lord of the Rings", "Bilbo Goes to Hollywood", and a brief cameo in "It came from Hobbiton". But I don't talk about that. I didn't kill a cave troll by modeling in front it! haa..haa. *Ahem* What keeps me going through these treacherous quests are. . . LEMBAS. . . [takes a bite] Mmmm-mmm. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full grown man, or Elf. No more using that bland Dale waybread--
Gimli : Guilty!
Legolas : -- [nods] and hobbits have to eat 6 sometimes even 7 meals a day! [Pippin nods and mutters: "true, true"]   But not lembas, just one tiny morsel gives you the strength [does a manly pose], grace [gazes afar], and beauty [winks and stares at the camera for a full minute] of the Elven-folk. Take it from me, Legolas, the noble, and might I add breathtakingly handsome, Elf prince who practically saved Middle-earth while traveling with the most annoying companions, and that dwarf! Ah Elbereth! [swears in Elvish] When I'm not out protecting Middle-earth from foul evils, I endorse in products and make my own special lembas, Mirkwood style. Just listen to what these kind folk had to say after tasting a bit of my specialty:

Random Hobbit: Yes! Legolas's lembas are the best! [mutters: "so where's me money, eh?"]
Haldir: Oh yes...my dear Legolas makes the most divine lembas I've ever tasted. I always feel refreshed after eating one. Especially since Aragorn gives me those massages--
Legolas: Ah, errr, oh here's Merry! Merry, so tell me about my lembas.
Merry: [reads slowly as if reading cue cards] Yes...Leg-o-las. I ab-sol-utely love...lembas. They are the best...things...I...have...ever...eaten. Look at Pippin and give him a lemba.
Pippin: ??? I don't think you're supposed to read that part, Merry.

Legolas: *rolls eyes* So remember, have a lemba and maybe even YOU can have the grace of an Elf. Well probably not but you can try by ordering some of my lembas. See, I really need the money. My acting career isn't going so well and ever since Sauron was destroyed, well, business has been slow. No more evil things to kill. *sigh* [eats a lemba] Scrumptious! Here's a 'lil something for all the ladies-- [does another manly pose]

Merry & Pip shake their heads in disgust and steal some lembas

[end scene]

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Written by Lisa (Inspired by Orlando's comment on TTT Extended DVD).