"Are you suggesting hobbits migrate?"

Monty Python & the quest for the One Ring

these are bunches of random scenes from LOTR set in monty python mode. More will be added as they are made. enjoy!

[in Shelob's Lair, after Frodo gets poisoned]

Sam: "Oh no!..Frodo!"
Sam: "Frodo! Frodo! Speak to me! Brave, brave Frodo, I will take the ring, you will not have died in vain!"
Frodo: "Uh, I'm not quite dead, Sam."
Sam: "Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!"
Frodo: "I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, Sam."
Sam: "Oh, I see."
Frodo: "Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, Sam."
Sam: "No, no, sweet Mister Frodo! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic attempt to destroy the ring in my own particular...[sigh]"
Frodo: "Idiom, Sam?"
Sam: "Idiom!"
Frodo: "No, I feel fine, actually, Sam."
Sam: "Farewell, sweet Mister Frodo!"
Frodo: "I'll, um, I'll just stay here then. Hm, oh great, that Orc from Legend is coming."

The Tale of Sir Faramir

Denethor: "One day, Faramir, all this will be yours!"
Faramir: "What, the curtains?"
Denethor: "No. Not the curtains, Faramir. All that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys of Gondor! This'll be your kingdom, lad."
Faramir: "But Mother--"
Denethor: "Father, lad. Father."
Faramir: "B-- b-- but Father, I don't want any of that."
Denethor: "Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I became Steward here, all there was was a magnificent kingdom. Other lords said I was daft to take control of the Minas Tirith, but I became Steward all the same, just to show 'em. Then we lost Ithilien. So, I tried governing a second time. This time we lost Osgiliath. So I tried a third time being a good Steward. Osgiliath was burned down, fell over, then sank into the Anduin. But the fourth time ... Boromir got half the ruined city! And that's what you're gonna get, Faramir: the strongest ruined deserted city in these lands."
Faramir: "But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--"
Denethor: "Rather what?!"
Faramir: "I'd rather..." [music] ...be a Wizard!
Denethor: "Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a spell while I'm here. Now listen, Faramir. In twenty minutes you're getting to go on a suicidal sortie."

[later on after Denethor goes crazy]

Pippin: help! help! Denethor's going to burn Faramir alive!
Denethor: Now, now, now, this is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who's burning who.

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© the Jedi Hobbits - Jedi Tookwalker and Jedi Proudfoot. Characters © JRR Tolkien and quotes from Monty Python. We are just fans, no copyright infringement intended.